Weighty Matters
Mike’s fancy bathroom scales have made an announcement. Yes, really.
Henceforth, I am informed, they will be sending us Health Insights. Which I initially misread as Health Insults. It may yet amount to the same thing. “Health Mate now features an engaging chat which will highlight key data, emerging trends and notable achievements.” Well sheesh.
I suppose it is a lockdown thing. Fitbit have already offered me guided mindfulness sessions without the necessity to fork out the usual ££ per month for their premium level of service. It is their effort to help me to remain calm in the face of adversity. In which case they have clearly been snooping on my personal data, especially relating to sleep, or rather the marked lack of it. Unless of course the cynic in you might conclude that Fitbit’s main purpose is to see if I might still be lured into upgrading to the full level of service, once I’ve experienced a little bit of it, having resisted all their other attempts for the best part of two years.
And.. breathe.
Verbena bonariensis.
But I digress. For the bathroom scales the provision of public information is by no means a new departure. They do, after all, offer a daily weather forecast. The simple act of standing on the scales after morning ablutions already had the power to make or break the day: 1. You really shouldn’t have had that salted caramel ice cream yesterday afternoon Jessica, you’ve put on a pound. 2. The glass of wine nightcap? It put your heart rate up. Oh, and by the way.. 3. It’s going to rain. We have yet to establish whether the forecast relates specifically to Deepest Devon or could apply equally to London, Paris or New York. It is actually astonishingly accurate so it can’t be too far away. At times it is even more reliable than the Met Office although it has to be said that any forecast which offers up rain in this far west outpost of the isle is, in all probability, more likely to be right than wrong.
The scales also wish me a Happy Birthday! Complete with fireworks. Except that it’s on the wrong day given that I was less than forthcoming when asked to set up birth details on the app. You can never be too careful with personal information on the internet.
Salvia ‘Royal Bumble’
The first element of the ‘engaging chat’ consisted of a set of questions. Like how do I feel on getting up in the morning? There was no tick box for absolutely knackered, totally washed out, or dragged through a hedge backwards much less the combination of all three. There was a tick box for plain old ‘tired’ but it didn’t matter anyway because I opted for ‘Oh, on top of the world’. The trouble is, these days, what goes into an app doesn’t just stay in that app and the last thing I want is to be bombarded with ads for guaranteed-effective-or-your-money-back insomnia remedies or to be inundated with samples of malted chocolate drinks through the post.
Incidentally, did you know that web trackers don’t just limit their prying eyes and ears to your own computer screen, they also appear to delve happily into the archives of the household internet router because it’s possible to get the fallout from the google searches of other family members. You can imagine all sorts of perilous revelations arising out of that and I’m surprised there isn’t a privacy law against it. But I can always tell when Mike’s toy box is about to gain additional weight because I start getting ads for his favourite tool companies on my facebook feed. Last week’s acquisition turned out to be an attachment for the drill enabling him to bore a perfectly circular hole with a precise diameter. And no, before you ask, none of that was a euphemism. It’s all part of his latest battle with the resident wildlife, in this case the woodpeckers. But that’s maybe a story for another time.
Persicaria amplexicaulis ‘Alba’ and Anemanthele lessoniana
Moving swiftly back to where we were. With the initial parameters having been set in place, albeit superficially, I eagerly anticipated my first targeted health insight. This app clearly isn’t going to pull its punches. No time for pleasantries, just straight in with the left hook. Fat. Apparently the normal range for a female body composition is 12-35% fat. Mine is currently 24% which has a middle of the road kind of feel to it. Better yet, my fat has been declared ‘stable’. Well that’s a relief. I should hate to dwell on the consequences of skipping along the top of metre high walls, or tottering on the brink of the Precipitous Bank, with unstable fat on board.
Presumably many more insights are still to come. There is plenty of scope: muscle mass, bone mass, water percentage, BMI, heart rate, pulse wave velocity (don’t ask). Life, The Universe and Everything? I really can’t wait.
Thankyou for making me laugh today!!
You’re very welcome. Hope it’s a bit cooler up there today. Rain welcome here.. perhaps not quite so much of it!
Good lord, like having a snooping Nanny onboard! Lol. Think I’ll stick with my old scales. They let me move them around the bathroom floor until I find a weight I may imagine might be true. And they don’t talk back. 🙂
That is clearly a trick I’ve been missing. I shall try moving them around tomorrow 🙂
Oh dear me no! Hahahaha! The all singing and dancing scales! No, just no! If HRH ever gets one of those he might just wear it on his head!
As for Fitbit. We wondered why I had done more steps than HRH, and while his legs are longer that might account for some of it – then I realised, I had it attached to my bra strap and it registered the bounce while driving to our walk starting place. It even registered when I had it in my handbag, so that was the end of that. I did use it for walking round the house after an operation – the carpet got rather worn out as I did circuits of the dining room table, the living room sofa and the chicanes in the kitchen.
Himself does many more steps each day than me and I’m convinced he cheats, but I don’t know how. Perhaps it has something to do with the settings for length of steps. He doesn’t have the fitbit attached to his bra strap either..
I am always amazed by how many steps I manage to do in my sleep. If I am sleepwalking I hope it is somewhere interesting and not out of the back door where there’s still an enormous hole in the unfinished terraces.
LOLOLOL! I’m glad your husband doesn’t! I do agree with Sue Garrett though, both our “smart” tv and our laptops have the camera’s covered. We are getting kittens soon and I’ve been inundated with adverts for litter trays. Sheesh! Even on the weather radar, up the top of the screen cat litter adverts and toys – I’ve not even started looking at toys yet! But to see some posts, research things etc always have a pop up if you continue it means you are happy for us to use cookies. Well I’m not happy at all! But to see some items you have to accept or it blanks it all out, seems to affect blog photos in some cases.
I’ve noticed increasingly sites are now giving you the option to reject all cookies. I tried this on the weather radar, which previously had been giving me clothes ads. The cookies determine which ads you see, so the clothes disappeared and something quite unsavoury appeared in their place. I put the cookies back! Litter trays would have been much nicer. Kittens sounds even better.
How unpleasant. I do have one quilting blog that I “Deny All” and not had any issues. I disabled Facebook on my phone and I also switch off the location – especially if you are taking photos around the home because the location can be traced by all the fine details by anyone!
Ooh and I use Endomondo for when we go walking as it does track the mileage (plus if you get lost, you can open up the route and find where to head for) but that means turning on the location, so I only use it for that, and it gets turned off after the walk we found it was the most accurate. Unfortunately that is also linked to FB. There’s no escape!
Endomondo is a new one on me, I will look it up. Thanks!
Amazing: how does it know! If I lean forward on my scales I lose 2lb – I think I’ll stick with those Jessica.
The scales send a weak and allegedly harmless electric current through your feet which somehow manages to work out your body composition. How accurate it is I know not. I tend to go with the trends rather than get too hung up on specific numbers. Some things do ring true though. If I’ve been out working in heat like we’ve had over the last couple of days it doesn’t matter how much water I’ve consumed I can still end up a bit dehydrated and that shows up on the scales.
I know where those scales would be heading if they lived chez moi, Jessica. Straight out of the bathroom window and into a field, that’s where they would be heading. Bah!
But just think of all the brownie points they would be giving you Denise, for all that weight lost!
Whatever next? Telephones that take photographs?
Shall we invent one? 🙂
Make sure you have your towel handy at all times… Lovely plants. I especially like the salvia.
What self respecting space traveller would be without a towel?
Oh my, that is exactly why I don’t have a bathroom scale. It’s Chehov’s gun. (if a gun appers on stage that will be used in his dramas) Anyway, I have a sixpack belly, it’s only rounded and stuffed, so my kids don’t get hurt.
Google’s ad optimizing engine has ruined a B-day surprize for me once: I bought an accumulator lawnmower for Him (he hated getting entangled in the wire), and he knew it a month before, becouse google started offering him ads about it. Thats creepy, and must be held in mind before Christmas!
That is the problem I have with google too. It’s impossible to keep secrets any more, even nice surprises!
I was moderately surprised that you didn’t end this post with a photo of the scale in the trash bin – or, given its scope, in the electronic waste recycle bin. It IS creepy how companies coordinate (conspire?) to share data. I get surprises all the time with respect to ads that pop up on Google and Instagram. The first time Google wished me a happy birthday I was in shock. On a different subject, I love your photo of the skipper posing atop the Verbena.
It is creepy. Big Brother has arrived.
Oh goodness, I wouldn’t put up with it…straight in the bin! It’s awful how quickly you get targeted on social media once you buy something online.xxx
It is. And even if you just go browsing for something. There was a BBC documentary last year about Facebook and just how much they know about you. It’s terrifying!
My scale is a super cool thin thing. Looks great but luckily doesn’t do anything extra. Thanks for giving me a laugh today.
Super cool is the place to be!
Yikes. Is there a tick box for “none of your damn business, just tell me how much I weigh”?
Weight is the first measurement. If you were to get on and off the scales super quick you might just manage it. But also miss the weather forecast..
Well, you did make me laugh Jessica, and that’s definitely a rarity in New Zealand today. I get very cross when I get targeted ads, so those scales would get a short shrift here – out the second storey window!
I’m into mask production – we’ve just had unknown source, community transmission of Covid for the first time in 100 days, and we’re back up the Lockdown Levels, and I suspect it will be nationwide very shortly. What a nasty little virus it is.
I was so sorry to read the news from New Zealand. But as Jacinda said, you’ve done it before and you know how to do it, you will do it again. If anyone can New Zealand can.
In Europe we’ve become far too complacent. It is a nasty little virus and will seek any opportunity to get a foothold again. It’s going to be a long hard winter in the northern hemisphere I fear.
Lovely picture of the butterfly and verbena. This Luddite did not realise that bathroom scales were capable of all that, and possibly sharing information – whatever next! And I have wondered how stuff I have Googled then ends up on my Facebook feedback, obviously not a coincidence after all. Whatever next!
No, not a coincidence at all. It is scary stuff. But I do worry when I start seeing stuff that Mike has googled and knowing that he can see what I have. Not that we have anything to hide, it’s the principle of the thing. And the fact that surprise birthday presents are a thing of the past!
Oh my whatever happened to weighing scales that just, well tell you your weight. Ours are a very very old set from my granny, they only weigh in pounds and ounces so I am guessing they are around 50 years old. They have never let me down…….
They don’t make things the way they used to and that’s good for all manner of reasons!
Yikes! All that from weighing scales? I now know why I refuse to have any in the house. Even the basic ones! Thanks for the smiles though, and that lovely persicaria. 😄
I first tried a similar set of scales at a rental property in Australia and used them to check I was staying hydrated enough. It seemed a good idea at the time but now of course I’ve discovered there’s so much more to it. At the end of the day though it isn’t about the numbers. It’s can I still get into my jeans..
I’m glad you have given me the heads up on weighing scales, I’m never getting one of those! When I think about it, the only consolation about Covid is that we won’t be going on our usual holiday in Palm Cove, so I can’t indulge in lovely Palm Cove ice-creams for a month! Your photo look absolutely lovely, and a reminder that spring and summer colour will eventually arrive here. I hope you enjoy your garden and your glass of wine every night, always deserved after a day in the garden…enjoy the rest of summer!
Not going to Palm Cove is a tragedy! For me as well, your pictures from there always bring back such happy memories.
I read that Northern Territory is closing its borders for 18 months! I dread to think how long it will be before I can get back to Australia.
Well, that sounds a very useful piece of kit, Jessica… 😉
If the scales and fitbit start to contradict each other I shall end up very confused. Sometimes we can make life too complicated.
What would the scales say if you weighed your suitcase on them?
I’m still agog to know what happened to the bess . . .
Now that’s a very good question. It’s worth setting up an experiment to find out, the health insights would be most intriguing. I would have to configure the app for Ms. Suitcase first though..
The bees are still there, buzzing away. We’ve had a few more find their way down into the bedroom but mostly they’ve kept themselves to themselves so we’ve left them to it. Mike got stung again today but he clipped a bee whilst deadheading roses, so self inflicted.
Sometimes you just seem to think of buying something and ads turn up for the thing being considered. I’m a bit paranoid and have a cover over my webcam as I read that it can be accessed remotely to view inside your house.
I remember reading something similar, linked to a scam I think. Technology is a wonderful thing to have but the security implications are frightening.
Oh, Jessica, thank you — I needed a laugh! (I guess that with the Met Office based in Exeter, you have a right to expect accuracy in forecasting?)
Don’t get me started on the Met Office. I know forecasting is far from an exact science but there are times when it is hopelessly wrong. A couple of days ago I was looking at the weather radar to see Devon completely covered in heavy showers and yet the local forecast showed 5% chance of rain. I often wonder if they should just take a moment to look out of the window?
Too funny. I cant wait to read about “Life, the Universe, and Everything”. We’re melting here in Northern California. Today it’s suppose to be 106 degrees. The gardens are parched and I fear both our water bill and electric will be sky high.
That is hot. The temperature is breaking records all over the world it seems, could be 2020 will be the hottest yet. As if we didn’t have enough to contend with. Stay safe, well and cool, both of you.
Beautiful flower photo, especially the Verbena.
I have an ad blocker, a tracking blocker, a pop-up blocker, and a Pi-hole. Thinking about a VPN. As for a scale–oh boy–only a non-talking one for measuring out coffee beans!
It is a sign of the times, but very sad, that we have to even consider all these things to keep us safe on the internet. It’s such a valuable resource and I don’t know how I’d manage without it now.
Your scales sound quite scary Jessica. A mile away from those the creaking clanking sets you used to find in the foyers of public convenience. Life has not been quite the same since I lost my Fitbit 😢
Oh no! I deferred getting a fitbit for years thinking that once I had an idea of a typical day’s steps I would have no further use for it. And now here I am, totally addicted. I suppose there are worse things to be addicted to than getting enough exercise.
I have wrecked my camera this week, these things are sent to annoy us and they certainly do.